Homicide Is Not Pretty…or Hot!

My usual choice of escapist literature is the “cozy” mystery genre. These lightweight novels are relaxing, predictable, sometimes hilarious, often a tad silly, but rarely gory and usually lacking in nerve-wracking chills. “Thriller” is not, to me, a leisure pastime; I like to be able to turn out the light comfortably after reading in bed at night! But I enjoy these frivolous mysteries, which are interspersed with quirky characters and abound with loveable pets, and in which, as a usual plot line, only the characters one really doesn’t like bite the dust.

However, I may be reaching the end of my tether with my favorite genre. Since I review every book that I read—and that is a LOT of books—I found myself the other day beginning a review with the telling sentence, “I had second thoughts even as I downloaded this book: Did I really want to read yet one more ‘bakery’ mystery?!”

I blame the Sex and the City cupcake craze for the plethora of bake shop mysteries. The bakery mysteries have multiplied like Star Trek tribbles, and a great many of them are pretty pallid, with plots so similar they might have been created by algorithms rather than writers. Almost inevitably, the grand opening of the latest bakery will be blighted by the death of a first customer, with the baker/owner herself the main suspect. Of course, she will have to begin sleuthing out the real murderer, finding clues to which the police (who often seem to be drawn from a Laurel and Hardy movie) are oblivious. Meanwhile, our plucky heroine is never, ever arrested for interference in a police investigation—a fate which she richly deserves.

Now, to my way of thinking, Kerry Greenwood’s most excellent Corinna Chapman bakery mysteries (well pre-dating the slew of copycats which followed) sewed up the genre front, back and center. Beautifully written, excellently plotted, with three-dimensional characters and incredible detail, they are simply a delight to read. But those are not the only reasons for which I prefer them. I like Ms. Greenwood’s books best because nowhere, nowhere at all in their pages, does any character appear who might be even faintly considered a “hot hunky homicide detective”.  Yes, she does include an attractive PI–but never a hot homicide cop.  In fact, some of her police force characters are (gasp!) female.

But to judge by most of the other cozies (which I still enjoy, despite their flaws), every homicide detective in every rinky-dink precinct in every city of every state within the entire nation (every nation, worlwide!), is so attractive, chiseled, gorgeous, hunky and incredibly hot as to put most A-list Hollywood actors to shame. There is not a dud in the bunch. Nowhere in these many pages do we find a homicide detective (other than as a partner to the REAL detective) who sports a donut paunch and a balding pate; nor, heaven forfend, a female homicide detective, except as junior (very junior) partner to the hot honcho. Nope. If the cozy mysteries are to be believed, every desirable man on the face of the planet has chosen “homicide detective” as his career path. And he will, of course, fall like a rock down a cliff for the leading lady.

For this ridiculous notion, I must, sadly, hold the marvelous Janet Evanovich responsible.  Make no mistake: I absolutely adore Ms. Evanovich’s formulaic novels. I’ve read every one of them with utter delight—most of them several times each. They are the greatest escapism novels ever written. They are laugh-out-loud funny. They are just plain great fun, even for male readers.

But I cannot deny that it is likely upon Ms. Evanovich’s shoulders which rests the onus for the creation of the “hunky homicide detective” mythos. I sigh over this, even as I acknowledge that it isn’t her fault that every aspiring and seasoned mystery writer took her idea and ran with it right out the door and across the meadow to the romantic sunset beach. Still, I blanch at the thought of reading yet one more lighthearted mystery featuring the same, tired old “hot homicide detective” plot device.

I will almost certainly go on reading my favorite cozy mysteries. Despite their many failings, I find the books both relaxing and entertaining. But wish—oh, how I do wish!—that their authors would learn to show a tad more creativity and diversity when creating their leading men.